mad: ahhhnghhhh harder
peter: ??? i have yet to touch you mad
mad: oh right sorry must be my eagerness slipping in
peter: listen i don't know if i want to do this again, i mean the last 5 times didn't result in a baby so why would this one uhhh do
mad slowly gets up
mad: what? why are you being so negative? some couples have to enter the double digits before one gets impregnated
peter: ok ok sorry i guess this just hints at one of my insecurities being that i don't know if my age allows for a healthy impregnation
mad: that's such bullshit we're in our early 30s man
peter: ok ok sorry i guess this just hints at my secret inability to love women
mad: say what now?? are you gay
peter: yes and i've known ever since i skinny dipped with my best friend jared
mad: what????
peter: i don't really know i was mildly drunk
mad: this is very upsetting to me
peter: i just felt that this was the ideal time to tell you
mad: i guess atleast you had the gall to tell me
peter: ya
mad: i don't really know if i want to continue this marriage
peter: i don't really know why you would say that i would not hold it against you if you were to file for divorce
mad: this is very upsetting
peter: yes i can imagine
mad: listen peter i mean you being psychopathic was one thing but this is just too far for me
peter: hold on i think of myself as a very good person but i mean this is something else you are okay with me being psychopathic but being gay is where you draw the line
mad: yes absolutely there are tiers to my tolerance peter
peter: please tell me more the layers of your tolerance of a romantic partner has interested me greatly
mad: ok obviously the men in my age group are preferred next are the addicts who i will reluctantly date only after i can realize a spark of hope for their recovery
peter: hold on they HAVE to have the potential to recover? what if at first glance they aren't able to be helped
mad: well you can't really tell that from first glance can you i just mean if they aren't at a point of no return
peter: that's not really empathetic i mean i believe everyone can recover with enough patience support and determination
mad: yes well if i don't see the potential i'd rather not
peter: sorry for my interruption please continue
mad: ok next are men who are 20+ my age i mean i would date them if they were really cute otherwise not next are psychopaths i mean if they are really cute i would date them and lastly are gay men who are beyond my boundaries i would not continue to date a gay man if i found out he was gay
peter: that's reasonable i guess so that means we are going to divorce right
mad: yes i mean i was ready to have a child with you but i guess now that you've outed yourself so casually i don't have a choice
peter: well i loved you mad
mad: that's a lie you are psychopathic and gay
peter: yes i know it was a deliberate lie to make you feel better
mad: considering the time we've spent together and our seemingly happy marriage suddenly collapsing in less than a minute this is going to take me months or potentially years of therapy to learn to love again
peter: to be fair as a child my homosexuality was brutally suppressed by my lonely conservative father anytime i would give hints he would steer me in the right direction
mad: is that so? very weird for a dad to intentionally seek out the gay tendencies of his son and crush them
peter: well he wasn't literally hunting them but anytime i would ask questions or do things that he considered degenerate he would correct me
mad: ok i guess that makes sense but if you knew you were gay why would you enter a relationship and marriage with me
peter: i didn't fully realize my homosexuality after skinny dipping with jared that's why
mad: oh yeah i forgot
peter: you never really liked him did you
mad: no he always seemed really gay that's why